It’s been a funny old week. I’m just home after a few days in hospital – well in coronary care actually – after a late night dash to the emergency room. I had been having chest pains for a couple of weeks, and they started coming every day, even when I was at rest. It turns out that a ‘stable angina’ situation had suddenly turned ‘unstable’!
It’s quite scary being hurried into ‘Resus’, especially after watching too many episodes of ‘Casualty’ on the BBC. After a long and anxious wait there and many tests later, I was admitted to the coronary care unit in our local hospital. Here, a very worried looking nurse told me that I was on 24 hour watch and was not put a foot to the floor! Tied up to enough technology that looked like it would not be out of place in an aircraft cockpit, and being right in front of the nurse’s station with its bright lights and constant movement and noise, sleep was impossible. I was scared.
Over the next three days the team began to relax and allow me to do the same. A new medication was introduced that should help prevent these episodes, and I was allowed home, fragile but grateful. And in it all, I felt challenged to ‘lean harder’. I realised that I needed to lean on the expertise and care of the cardiologist and his team. I also needed to lean harder on the prayers of those who love me. It’s hard to pray when you’re really unwell and afraid (although the best prayer then is ‘help me Lord!’). Above all, I was learning to lean harder on the love of heavenly Father who has promised never to leave or forsake me.
I read these amazing words in the Bible book of Psalms (91):
Say this: “God, you’re my refuge.
I trust in you and I’m safe!”
That’s right—he rescues you from hidden traps,
shields you from deadly hazards.
His huge outstretched arms protect you—
under them you’re perfectly safe;
his arms fend off all harm.
So – I’m learning to lean!